It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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