I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
