the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
