do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
