Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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