You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
