Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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