I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
