literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
