She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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