Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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