I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
