Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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