just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize