five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
