epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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