To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
