Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i now understand why vodka
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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