What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
