so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
