Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
