a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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