I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
