My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i will never coherently bang her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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