Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
