Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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