i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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