Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
