she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We are two peas in an std pod
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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