Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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