Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize