Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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