i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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