Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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