I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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