Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
