no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
