i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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