She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
