My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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