All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
