the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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