Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
