dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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