i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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