Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
