kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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