What a fucking waste of an outfit
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
