I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the day after is always just damage control
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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