Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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