i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
