Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
