I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
