Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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