All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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