mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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