just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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