I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
