So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
