hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
