I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
