Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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