I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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