so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize