I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
