he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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