Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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