You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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