i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
