the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think my moral compass just broke
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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