A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
