Non-Jews are for practice
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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