When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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