mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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